A Letter on Walking Beside Leadership
My Dearest Friend,
Walking beside leadership as a spouse is its own season of life. It is not about fancy events or borrowed status—it is about being the partner of a leader, adapting as family life bends around leadership demands. When the phone rings, Beloved must answer, and my role is to adjust, to hold space, and to steady our family in the midst of that constant push and pull.
The Rhythm of Leadership
In our house, leadership looks like 2 a.m. phone calls that jolt us awake. It is the 6 p.m. call just as dinner is placed upon the table, followed by a quick kiss on the cheek and an “I will be home when I can” that stretches into midnight. It is the work phone that never truly turns off—even on leave, even when we are states away—because if it rings, Beloved will answer. Supporting Airmen and their families does not end at business hours, and sometimes that means family life bends around the mission. For us, that is part of this season: putting people first is the duty of leadership, even when it costs us time together.
The Weight of It
Leadership is not always glamorous—it can also be heavy. It means carrying stories you cannot share, listening to families in crisis, and absorbing stress that never appears in official reports. It means morale events that take weeks to plan and late-night texts checking in on someone who is struggling. It means showing up again and again, even when you are running on empty, and releasing the illusion that you can fix everything. You cannot. No one can.
The Joy in It
Yet alongside the weight, there are moments of deep pride and joy. One of the things I cherish most is watching Beloved grow fully into a leader who puts his people first. To see him care so tremendously about their successes and accomplishments, and to celebrate with them when they reach their goals, is a privilege I do not take lightly. There is beauty in witnessing leadership that is rooted in genuine care—and in knowing that my support allows him to give his best to those he leads.
What Changed for Me
It was never a surprise to me that it would take a team to sustain command—I had always known that truth. What this season showed me was just how vital that team really is. If one person or family tried to carry all that leadership throws their way, they might not come out unscathed. But when you lean on those around you while you are supporting others, no one crumples under the weight and pressure. Instead, the burden is shared, and the whole community is stronger for it.
The Lesson
Even though command is unique, the lessons ripple out to every spouse. Boundaries are essential—you cannot pour from an empty cup. Community is collective—everyone has a role, not just the commander’s family. And it is all right not to have all the answers—listening and showing up matter more than being perfect. Walking beside leadership has reminded me that true service is not about being in front—it is about standing beside others, encouraging them, and sometimes quietly holding space when things grow heavy.
To the Spouse in a Season of Leadership
Whether your spouse is in command, serving as a senior NCO, leading a small team, or simply beginning to step into greater responsibility, know this: you do not walk that path alone. Leadership is never carried by one person, and it is not meant to be. Let your boundaries protect your family, let your community share the load, and let yourself be enough as you are. Showing up authentically—not perfectly—is the truest support you can offer.
