A Letter on the Neighbors Who Become Family
My Dearest Friend,
One of the quiet gifts of this life is how often neighbors become more than acquaintances. They become the people your children run to after school, the ones who walk into your kitchen without knocking, the ones who slip into your days until you cannot imagine living without them. In a world where change is constant, neighbors have so often been the steadying presence that made each new duty station feel like home.
The Everyday Miracles of Community
We have chosen base housing whenever we can, so Bun and Bean grow up surrounded by children who just get it. These are the friends who don’t need long explanations for why Daddy is gone again, or why goodbye parties are a normal part of the year. It is in these neighborhoods that we have found the families who walk alongside us, not only as friends but as second parents, trusted confidants, and partners in the rhythm of everyday life.
I will never forget the day Bean tumbled, scraped her knee, and marched right past me to have the neighbor kiss it better. That is the kind of bond this life creates: our children instinctively know they are loved and safe in the arms of those who live beside us.
Life Together
Neighbors are the ones you can text when the day has gone badly, and ten minutes later they show up with ice cream. They are the ones who hang out in the driveway on a Friday night while the kids run wild, Beloved decompresses with a beer, and others nod knowingly at the stresses of the week. They are the friends you don’t bother knocking for—you just walk in, call up the stairs, “I’m out of pepper, stealing yours!”—and no one asks if you’re intruding.
Sometimes, it is astonishing how quickly trust is built. More than once, after only a week of knowing someone, I’ve been asked to be an emergency contact for their children, and I’ve asked the same in return. That is the unspoken understanding of this life: we step in for each other because we must, and because we want to.
Holidays Away From Home
Some of my fondest memories are from overseas, when the distance home was too far and the cost too high. Yet we never felt alone. Entire streets came together, pooling tables and chairs until fifty-three people crammed into one Thanksgiving meal. It was chaotic, loud, and utterly perfect. In those moments, you realize that family is not only the people who share your name, but the people who share your street, your laughter, and your burdens.
The Lesson
Neighbors can become family in ways you never expect. They are the ones who carry you through the small struggles and celebrate the big victories, who remind your children that they are surrounded by love, and who remind you that you do not have to do this life alone. These bonds, formed in kitchens, driveways, and over borrowed spices, are what transform a house into a home.
To the Spouse Searching for Belonging
If you are longing for community, start with the people just beyond your front door. Step into the driveway, send the text, or knock and ask to borrow the pepper. It may feel small, but it is in those ordinary moments that extraordinary friendships take root. In time, you may look back and realize that the neighbors you once greeted politely have become the family you trust most.
